Autumn Fairytale

Once upon a time, 2 buddies decided to hike a mountain at the border of Seoul city limits. They assumed that a mountain within city limits would be small and take but an hour to climb at most. By the way, they were morons.

They soon noticed a bevy of outdoorsy polar wear stores at the entrance. 

"Ridiculous!" said Roy to James. "It's just like when I went snowboarding 15 years ago in Korea, and all these people would be wearing the most high end stuff, only to be found making pie wedges with their skis down bunny slopes." 

James noticed that he and Roy were the only ones wearing blue jeans, sneakers, t shirts and pretty much anything cotton. He also noticed hikers with pole sticks and snow gloves. They chuckled at how overboard the locals were, especially considering how level the terrain was.

Roy and James continued to enjoy their superior knowledge and the wondrous colors of fall.

1.5 hours later, they didn't quite enjoy themselves very much. They saw a sign that said 1.0 km to the peak. This peak could best be seen when tilting the head back until the roundish back of the skull touched the shoulder blade. They figured they would be up at the top in about 15 minutes. 15 minutes later, they saw a sign that said .9 km to the peak. "Oh ****," said Roy.

They saw a kid who had the right idea.

Fighting the urge to give up since they were only .9 km (or 20 hours) away, they plodded uphill. Apparently, whoever originally blazed the trail to the peak did not believe in wide zigzagging. No, that person believed that paths ought to be steep and laser straight. "Sure would be nice to have one of them pole sticks right about now," said James. 

Near the top, they encountered traffic.

Roy's legs were all jelly, and so he pretty much pulled himself up the rest of the way with his arms. A 68 year old grandmother easily whooshed past him, wearing neon K2 gear.

Finally reaching the top, Roy pretended to be exhausted, just for comic relief. I mean, really, who could get tired from climbing a city mountain?

With 40mph winds at the top, and temperatures at a balmy 37, James and Roy broke out their traditional Korean hiking snacks of kimbap rolls, boiled egg, and rice wine. They ate quickly with chattering teeth. "Sure would be nice to be wearing some high end polar gear right about now," said James.

Then it started raining.

The rocks became slippery. Roy's sneakers slid as he descended. He grabbed the metal, icy cold cable ropes to help slow him down. One local woman could be heard saying, "Yikes, he's not even wearing gloves!" Yes lady, I get it, the 30 or so Marmot and Arcteryx stores at the bottom should have given me a clue, but it didn't ok??

3 hours later, Roy and James made it to the bottom. The North Face store was the first to greet them. "Sure would be nice to have some weatherproof clothes right about now," said James.

Their ride home was filled with laughter and energetic recounts of the short 6 hour trek.

Later in the evening, they met with another friend named Jai. Jai liked barbecue. So did Roy and James. So they ate barbecue. Glorious wondrous barbecue. Pork belly. Extra thick non-frozen pork belly. The grill pan tilted so that the pork fat would flow away from the meat, preventing the boiling effect, but not before the juices would flow through the kimchee cooking at the bottom of the grill pan. God be praised!

With meat in their stomachs, they slept soundly that night, and never made fun of locals or their penchant for high end flair ever again.

The end.