To Whom It May Koncern

On the eve before my flight back to California, I'd like to ask some questions to the country of Korea. 


To Whom It May Koncern,


1. Who exactly started this trend of matching couple's clothes? And why does this public display of awfulness continue?

2. Why, when I ask where’s the bathroom, do you answer “Is it for #1? It’s in the back,” only to mean there’s a brick wall to pee on with an adjacent wall for coverage?


3. Why do you make your dress shirts so transparent that you can see the white tanktops underneath loud and clear?


4. Why do you give out free bottles of this liquid death as an expression of thanks for a large Chinese food order? (It's 112 proof and it tastes like it)

5. How do you make shopping for fake brands so fun? I saw Toms knock-offs, similar in every way, excellent for the name: Tome. I also saw a hoodie with "New York" in bold letters, with an American flag underneath, and then right below that, "Massachusetts." But what makes it really great is that what was supposed to be Massachusetts (which doesn't make sense either) was actually Massachubatts.


6. Why did you sell out Bulgogi to make something so McNasty?

7. Linda, what exactly do you mean? Please help me understand.

8. Why are your bathrooms always such a delight to me? I mean, what young boy, or studly man, wouldn’t want to urinate in this? It was a shame that it only came up to my knees.

9. And, lastly, why?

Sincerely,


Your son